Self Props

<"I said..." Three..."I'm asking, do you wanna hang out sometime, like, maybe a movie or something?" Two..."Do you wanna go out with me?" Boom. That's it. No going back now. She's not saying anything. "Look, whatever you heard me say just now, your ears didn't hear wrong. I said what I said. Do you want to go out with me this weekend? And I'm asking, not as a friend, but as someone who...someone who wants to show you a good time. I'd like to take you out somewhere and not in the assassin-y way that 'take you out' could mean obviously, but like, in the having fun way. I'd like to try and make you smile, it's such a pretty smile you know. And lately, you've been so bummed and depressed and you, you've been doubting yourself for such a long time now and I've been telling you that you shouldn't and that the world, aside from cowards, also hates it when you're not happy because it's done so much and given you so much to be happy about!" She's just staring at me. "You're gorgeous and smart and cute and tall and you've got great hair, a great smile and everything on your face and body is great and you're intelligent and worldly and sporty and athletic and people love you! Yes, not so much those people who don't love you right now but whom you'd want to love you but like, everyone else, they'd kill for a chance to sit next to you or to say hi to you without you giving them a weird look, which you're giving me now, point is!" Deep breath before the plunge. "I'm asking you if you'd let me love you." Pause. Stare into her eyes. Hold it, don't lose it! Not Now! "Because I do. I loved you then, I love you now and I'm sure that ten years from now, I'm going to feel the same way." She's looking down. OH GOD! "So let me be that guy right now, for you. Your guy. That guy."

I'm Quantum-Leaping here, from right after I finished my mini-speech to after she spoke again. Because you wouldn't want to be bothered by what was going on in my head in those moments after. I don't know for how long she didn't speak. We just sat there, silent. The sounds of everyone passing by, their walking and talking and general noise-making, nothing. The world was on mute. And then as she looked up, I had this horrific flash, this vision of...she was not smiling. That she was saying a string of unintelligible words that began with, "Um, I don't know..." and each passing second was another punch to the gut. That I'd leave the table, my heart completely broken, failing at it once again.

But then that glimpse into my future was gone. And her head was up, like she was coming up for air out of the water. Her hair was partially hiding her face. But I could see enough. And she was smiling. And I smiled back. And she spoke. "It's about time.">


You know sometimes, I'm pretty awesome. Haha.