This was supposed to be a retroactive look back on these movies. Like, what could have been running through my mind when I was watching these movies? Instead, you're getting something else. Or maybe it's still what I intended it to be. Basta, insights. Haha.
(Kinda stole the idea from the guys over at the ISS. Keep up the good work fellas! And please don't kill me when you take over the world.)
Lord of the Rings The Fellowship of the Ring
Wait, he's going to kill ALL of those orcs? BY HIMSELF?! Oh he's so going to die. Gandalf should've been here to save his ass. And what the hell are Sam and Frodo going to do now? Not to mention Merry and Pippin. And that's John Rhys-Davies??? I liked him better on Sliders. (I didn't read the book prior to seeing the film.)
Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
Wait, they're going to charge out on their horses and what, hope for the best? Hope that they suddenly turn tail at the sight of galloping horses? Really? And wait, so if Gimli blows the horn -- um, sounds, the horn of Helm Hammerhand and that's their signal to go riding off, what happens to Gimli then? O.o Didn't they just essentially leave him behind??
Lord of the Rings The Return of the King
WHERE ARE IMRAHIL THE PRINCE OF DOL AMROTH AND THE TWINS, ELLADAN AND ELROHIR ELROND'S KIDS?? WHERE IS GHAN-BURI-GHAN????!!!!!
30 Days of Night
Where's Spider-Man when you need him? (Seriously, I really just wanted somebody to kick those damn fang-faces in. They were the most annoying vampires EVER. I can't explain it, but they irked me to no end.)
Blade 2
IT'S SNAKE EYES!!!! (The battle at Blade's base)
One Missed Call
Never saw it but wouldn't a more appropriate title for that movie be "The Ring...Tone?" Who's with me?
He-Man and The Masters of the Universe
Dolph Lungren is definitely NOT a poor man's Arnold. He's the homeless man's Michael Dudikoff. AMERICAN NINJA FTW!!!
The Italian Job
Charlize Theron is soooooo hot. (Where is The Brazilian Job (the sequel)??)
Daredevil
Who the hell is this freak playing Bullseye? Man he's creepy. And Jennifer Garner has her own TV show? Her own primetime TV show??
Oh and: How can you see into my eyes like open doors? Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb. Without a sould, my spirit sleeping cold, until you find it there and lead it back home...WAKE ME UP!
Oh yeah. Evanescence. 'Nuff said.
Honestly though, that whole soundtrack kicked so much ass.
The Notebook
Hey it's the guy from Remember The Titans! Also, old people sex. PAINT AN R-RATED PICTURE IN YOUR MIND! OF OLD PEOPLE!
Black Hawk Down
Wait, Orlando Bloom gets paralyzed half an hour into the film? For shame. At least Eric Bana and Tom Sizemore kicked some ass. Also, it's Draco Malfoy's dad!!!
Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone
Damn little kids.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Damn little kids.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Damn little...hey, wait a sec. Hermione is pretty hot. Hmmm...
Executive Decision
Early Halle Berry + Early John Leguizamo + Prime Kurt Russell - Steven Segal = One of my favorite movies ever.
Mission Impossible
COACH BOMBAY DIES IN SUCH A HORRIBLE AND GRUESOME MANNER??
Lost in Space
Matt LeBlanc is the hero of this story! That is so bad ass. And is that Dewey from Malcom in the Middle as Will Robinson? And somehow, I love Gary Oldman in this movie.
Ocean's 11/12/13
How do I join? :(
Land Before Time
Sharptooth! Littlefoot! The Great Valley! (I'm saying this all using my baby dinosaur voice. Go figure.)
Jurassic Park
YAY JASON CAME TO SAVE THE DAY! (The last part, the raptors have got Alan and the rest cornered when suddenly the T-Rex swoops in to get his fill of raptor meat allowing them to escape. I was going nuts. The Power Rangers connection made that moment amazing to this 7-year old.)
Land of the Dead
WHY ARE THEY LETTING THEM LIVE???? CAP THE SUCKERS!!!
Iron Man
Honestly, I was on cloud 9 during the whole movie. S.H.I.E.L.D. Downey's performance. The Jericho. The Mandarin references. J.A.R.V.I.S. Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury. "The Avengers Initiative." If only they could take the movie's essence and distribute it to everyone one all over the world, we'd all be better off.
Tropic Thunder
RDJ shoulda won an Oscar or something. EVERYTHING HE SAYS IN THE MOVIE IS PURE GOLD.
Star Trek: First Contact
How I wish they were able to go with the original plan for the starship battle with the Borg. Damn it.
There's Something About Mary
You know, back then, I didn't realize how painful what happened to Ben Stiller's character could be. Now that I'm older, HOLY SH*T. That's gotta hurt.
Bambi
BAMBI'S A GUY DEER??
Hercules
A lot of people know this already but for those who don't, Herc's voice was provided by the Marissa Cooper's dad on The OC. I really like Tate Donovan's performance. I've made you smarter just now.
I will have more next time. For now, I am spent. Haha.
(Kinda stole the idea from the guys over at the ISS. Keep up the good work fellas! And please don't kill me when you take over the world.)
Lord of the Rings The Fellowship of the Ring
Wait, he's going to kill ALL of those orcs? BY HIMSELF?! Oh he's so going to die. Gandalf should've been here to save his ass. And what the hell are Sam and Frodo going to do now? Not to mention Merry and Pippin. And that's John Rhys-Davies??? I liked him better on Sliders. (I didn't read the book prior to seeing the film.)
Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
Wait, they're going to charge out on their horses and what, hope for the best? Hope that they suddenly turn tail at the sight of galloping horses? Really? And wait, so if Gimli blows the horn -- um, sounds, the horn of Helm Hammerhand and that's their signal to go riding off, what happens to Gimli then? O.o Didn't they just essentially leave him behind??
Lord of the Rings The Return of the King
WHERE ARE IMRAHIL THE PRINCE OF DOL AMROTH AND THE TWINS, ELLADAN AND ELROHIR ELROND'S KIDS?? WHERE IS GHAN-BURI-GHAN????!!!!!
30 Days of Night
Where's Spider-Man when you need him? (Seriously, I really just wanted somebody to kick those damn fang-faces in. They were the most annoying vampires EVER. I can't explain it, but they irked me to no end.)
Blade 2
IT'S SNAKE EYES!!!! (The battle at Blade's base)
One Missed Call
Never saw it but wouldn't a more appropriate title for that movie be "The Ring...Tone?" Who's with me?
He-Man and The Masters of the Universe
Dolph Lungren is definitely NOT a poor man's Arnold. He's the homeless man's Michael Dudikoff. AMERICAN NINJA FTW!!!
The Italian Job
Charlize Theron is soooooo hot. (Where is The Brazilian Job (the sequel)??)
Daredevil
Who the hell is this freak playing Bullseye? Man he's creepy. And Jennifer Garner has her own TV show? Her own primetime TV show??
Oh and: How can you see into my eyes like open doors? Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb. Without a sould, my spirit sleeping cold, until you find it there and lead it back home...WAKE ME UP!
Oh yeah. Evanescence. 'Nuff said.
Honestly though, that whole soundtrack kicked so much ass.
The Notebook
Hey it's the guy from Remember The Titans! Also, old people sex. PAINT AN R-RATED PICTURE IN YOUR MIND! OF OLD PEOPLE!
Black Hawk Down
Wait, Orlando Bloom gets paralyzed half an hour into the film? For shame. At least Eric Bana and Tom Sizemore kicked some ass. Also, it's Draco Malfoy's dad!!!
Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone
Damn little kids.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Damn little kids.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Damn little...hey, wait a sec. Hermione is pretty hot. Hmmm...
Executive Decision
Early Halle Berry + Early John Leguizamo + Prime Kurt Russell - Steven Segal = One of my favorite movies ever.
Mission Impossible
COACH BOMBAY DIES IN SUCH A HORRIBLE AND GRUESOME MANNER??
Lost in Space
Matt LeBlanc is the hero of this story! That is so bad ass. And is that Dewey from Malcom in the Middle as Will Robinson? And somehow, I love Gary Oldman in this movie.
Ocean's 11/12/13
How do I join? :(
Land Before Time
Sharptooth! Littlefoot! The Great Valley! (I'm saying this all using my baby dinosaur voice. Go figure.)
Jurassic Park
YAY JASON CAME TO SAVE THE DAY! (The last part, the raptors have got Alan and the rest cornered when suddenly the T-Rex swoops in to get his fill of raptor meat allowing them to escape. I was going nuts. The Power Rangers connection made that moment amazing to this 7-year old.)
Land of the Dead
WHY ARE THEY LETTING THEM LIVE???? CAP THE SUCKERS!!!
Iron Man
Honestly, I was on cloud 9 during the whole movie. S.H.I.E.L.D. Downey's performance. The Jericho. The Mandarin references. J.A.R.V.I.S. Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury. "The Avengers Initiative." If only they could take the movie's essence and distribute it to everyone one all over the world, we'd all be better off.
Tropic Thunder
RDJ shoulda won an Oscar or something. EVERYTHING HE SAYS IN THE MOVIE IS PURE GOLD.
Star Trek: First Contact
How I wish they were able to go with the original plan for the starship battle with the Borg. Damn it.
There's Something About Mary
You know, back then, I didn't realize how painful what happened to Ben Stiller's character could be. Now that I'm older, HOLY SH*T. That's gotta hurt.
Bambi
BAMBI'S A GUY DEER??
Hercules
A lot of people know this already but for those who don't, Herc's voice was provided by the Marissa Cooper's dad on The OC. I really like Tate Donovan's performance. I've made you smarter just now.
I will have more next time. For now, I am spent. Haha.
2 comments:
One Missed Call
Never saw it but wouldn't a more appropriate title for that movie be "The Ring...Tone?" Who's with me
---I AGREE.
I want to comment more but I'm lazy. At any rate, this post is hilarious.
Aaww...thanks Rach. This is something you should say in Opman *wink* Haha
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