Actually, the joke may be on me and the title does not mean what I think it means, but I am very smart (and absolutely look it) and the title works and I blame it on my right as a writer to take some creative liberties with my work.
Shit, I did it again with "creative liberties."
Don't you hate it when you hear something being said everyday and then when you try to write it down and use it correctly in a goddam sentence, you can't? Ugh.
Maybe it means I'm stupid. Go figure.
Anyway! The point of this post. Like many adolescents, I had braces. Unlike most adolescents, I actually kinda liked them. You know how some perfect people have perfectly white teeth? I don't and I had to rely on the bits of metal in my mouth to convince me that my teeth were making that "shiiiing" sound effect cartoon characters make when they show off their pearly whites. That's why I liked having braces. Never mind that unbearable, headache-inducing pain I had going on every time I took a bite outta something that seemed to last the entire time I had braces on or that sometimes the wire would break and a long piece of sharp metal started poking at the inside of my mouth causing me more pain. I could take all'o that because I had deluded myself into thinking I looked more handsome with a metallic smile.
Yeah, one more point for the "I'm probably stupid" column.
Well, eventually, I had to say good bye to my braces. No more food stuck getting stuck in my mouth, no more sharp metal wires, no more tightening and bleeding gums, no more pain and no more awesome metallic smile.
Then came the retainers. Oh shit.
I hated wearing my retainers. The things made me spit when I talked, got food stuck uncomfortably on the roof my mouth and caused me more pain. I swear, a baby could have lightly tapped my top lip and I would have cried...like a baby. God awful things really. Supposedly, they were for the good of my teeth (Which they are. Or else, dentists and such wouldn't be prescribing them. - Common sense) but no one said they would be worse than braces. So what did I do? I stopped wearing them, that's what. Fuck dentists.
Turns out, they said "Fuck you, Jeri" back.
The gap in between the middle of my two top front teeth is getting bigger. The gap that the braces had already corrected and the retainers were supposed to support until there would be no more space between my teeth. Damn it.
I am wearing my retainers now and already it is starting to bother me. Saliva is building up in my mouth and it is proving difficult to swallow it. My retainers are going to fucking kill me. All because I was too much of a sissy to wear them in the first place. Awesome.
Shit, I did it again with "creative liberties."
Don't you hate it when you hear something being said everyday and then when you try to write it down and use it correctly in a goddam sentence, you can't? Ugh.
Maybe it means I'm stupid. Go figure.
Anyway! The point of this post. Like many adolescents, I had braces. Unlike most adolescents, I actually kinda liked them. You know how some perfect people have perfectly white teeth? I don't and I had to rely on the bits of metal in my mouth to convince me that my teeth were making that "shiiiing" sound effect cartoon characters make when they show off their pearly whites. That's why I liked having braces. Never mind that unbearable, headache-inducing pain I had going on every time I took a bite outta something that seemed to last the entire time I had braces on or that sometimes the wire would break and a long piece of sharp metal started poking at the inside of my mouth causing me more pain. I could take all'o that because I had deluded myself into thinking I looked more handsome with a metallic smile.
Yeah, one more point for the "I'm probably stupid" column.
Well, eventually, I had to say good bye to my braces. No more food stuck getting stuck in my mouth, no more sharp metal wires, no more tightening and bleeding gums, no more pain and no more awesome metallic smile.
Then came the retainers. Oh shit.
I hated wearing my retainers. The things made me spit when I talked, got food stuck uncomfortably on the roof my mouth and caused me more pain. I swear, a baby could have lightly tapped my top lip and I would have cried...like a baby. God awful things really. Supposedly, they were for the good of my teeth (Which they are. Or else, dentists and such wouldn't be prescribing them. - Common sense) but no one said they would be worse than braces. So what did I do? I stopped wearing them, that's what. Fuck dentists.
Turns out, they said "Fuck you, Jeri" back.
The gap in between the middle of my two top front teeth is getting bigger. The gap that the braces had already corrected and the retainers were supposed to support until there would be no more space between my teeth. Damn it.
I am wearing my retainers now and already it is starting to bother me. Saliva is building up in my mouth and it is proving difficult to swallow it. My retainers are going to fucking kill me. All because I was too much of a sissy to wear them in the first place. Awesome.
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