"It is critical you pay attention at this time..."

I need to increase my readership haha
- JFav

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Jollibee Amazing Aloha: A Sandwich's Plea

It's in my name, I'm amazing!

Dear Unsatisfied Customer,

I'm going to get straight to the point. We have a problem: why won't you eat me? :( Many others have already, so why won't you? I can assure you, there is nothing wrong with me. What about me do you not find appealing? I hope you and I can come to understanding. I'm just a hardworking burger trying to get you to sample me. I know if you do, you'll be singing a different tune.

Okay, I can probably guess the root cause of your hesitancy. It's the pineapple isn't it? Ugh, it is, no? Yeah, that's probably it. Don't sweat it! I'm not mad. That's me at my core, the sandwich with the pineapple slice. It's unusual but lemme tell you, there is nothing wrong with pineapple. Pineapple is very good for you! This fruit has got loads of vitamins that help you stave off coughs and colds, and it even has calcium to keep your teeth and bones nice and strong. And you know, pineapple tastes great really. Its tangy sweetness provides great contrast in a savory dish like myself. But if you're really on the fence with it, I know what'll help you come around: BACON BITS. Bacon bits, mmmmmm. You know bacon, right? Food of the gods? Yeah, I got that! The bacon is comforting. The bacon is divine. Don't let the "bits" part fool you; it still packs a flavorful wallop.

Still not convinced? Oy. No worries, there's more to love about me.

Golden and delicious!

Let's get to the meat of the matter. That's a 100% pure beef, times two! That's right folks, I've got two of them bad boys. You know that problem you have with most burgers, that most of 'em have only got the one patty? I got the cure for that particular ailment! I double down for double the fun. You won't e going, "Where's the beef?" with me. And I don't skimp on the other ingredients too! I got a slice o' cheese, a leaf of lettuce and a smattering of honey mustard. In all honesty, all of that means I'm pretty rad. I'm reasonably priced (less than a hundred bucks on my own), delicious and charmingly off-kilter (pineapple in a burger!), what's not to love?

I ain't gonna beg. I'm a pretty good burger, I am not to be overlooked. Remember, I'm only here for a limited time only and I tell you, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone. To paraphrase the line, I may not be the burger you want, but I'm the burger you need. (But being wanted is fine too.)

Catch you on the flip side,

A. A.

1 comment:

Gretchen Makee Wilwayco said...

That burger's got some killer pickup lines.